Finding Yourself Through First Love: Smash or Pass Is a Queer YA Debut That Feels Like Coming Home

Synopsis: For 16-year-old Ellie, beach volleyball camp is a disaster until she's paired with Sierra, an athletic prodigy who teaches her that volleyball--and love--are about taking the right shot in this sporty sapphic romance.

Ellie dates the Right Guy, says all the Right Things, and acts the Right Way to avoid being ridiculed for her autism. When that Right Guy unceremoniously dumps her right before they're supposed to go to beach volleyball camp together, Ellie's perfectly curated world comes crashing down and she's labeled the boring, weird girl.

Desperate to regain her good reputation (and yeah, sure, the boy...), Ellie goes to Camp SMASH, which is nothing like she expected. There, she's paired with Sierra, a mysterious, standoffish volleyball legacy who makes Ellie's quest to get her boyfriend back even more complicated...

There are books you enjoy, and then there are books that quietly settle into your heart because they remind you of a version of yourself you haven't thought about in years. Smash or Pass, Birdie Schae's stunning debut novel, is one of those books.

From the very first chapter, I found myself getting emotional. Ellie's journey of self-discovery brought me back to my own high school years, when I was trying to understand who I was without having all the language to describe it. Like Ellie, I'm queer, and so many of the questions she wrestles with—wondering if it's okay to be herself, trying to untangle complicated feelings, and slowly finding the courage to embrace every part of her identity—felt incredibly familiar.

While our stories aren't identical, there were moments where it felt like I was looking back at pieces of my own adolescence.

That connection became even stronger because of the novel's neurodivergent representation. I didn't discover I was neurodivergent until adulthood, so growing up, I often felt like I was navigating the world with a rulebook everyone else had somehow been given except me. Reading Ellie's experiences through that lens made me realize how much stories like this could have meant to me when I was younger.

That's why books like Smash or Pass matter.

Young adult literature has come a long way in embracing queer stories, but there's still room for more novels that allow queer teens to simply exist, fall in love, make mistakes, and discover who they are. Not every LGBTQ+ story needs to center trauma or heartbreak. Sometimes, it's enough to tell a story about two people learning to trust each other and finding happiness together.

Honestly, we deserve more queer stories like this in YA.

At its heart, Smash or Pass delivers everything I love about a great romance. There's plenty of yearning, mutual pining, stolen glances, awkward moments, and all the delicious emotional tension that makes you desperate for two characters to finally admit how they feel. Schae understands that the anticipation is often just as satisfying as the payoff, allowing Ellie and Sierra's relationship to unfold naturally instead of rushing toward the finish line.

When that long-awaited kiss finally arrives, it feels earned.

The emotional core of the novel, though, isn't just the romance—it's Ellie's growth. By the end of the story, she's transformed into someone who feels more confident, more self-assured, and more willing to show the world who she truly is. Watching her slowly peel back the layers of uncertainty and self-doubt was just as rewarding as watching her relationship with Sierra blossom.

Ellie and Sierra's relationship is the heartbeat of the novel. They don't simply fall in love; they learn how to be vulnerable with one another. Their conversations, shared moments, and willingness to work through difficult emotions create a relationship built on honesty instead of perfection. It captures something that's easy to forget about first love: it's messy, exciting, terrifying, and beautiful all at the same time.

Even one of my least favorite romance tropes—the dreaded miscommunication—is handled thoughtfully and with care. Rather than relying on characters making irrational decisions for the sake of drama, the conflict grows naturally from who Ellie and Sierra are as people. Their fears, insecurities, and inexperience make their misunderstandings believable, and the resolution feels authentic because they've both grown by the time they reach it.

For a debut novel, Smash or Pass feels remarkably confident. Schae balances romance, identity, humor, and vulnerability with a warmth that makes every page inviting. The novel understands that coming of age isn't about becoming someone entirely new—it's about finally allowing yourself to become the person you've always been.

As someone who saw pieces of herself reflected in Ellie's story, I finished this book feeling equal parts nostalgic and hopeful. It's the kind of novel I wish I'd had when I was in high school, trying to figure myself out. I'm grateful today's readers do.

If Smash or Pass is any indication of what's to come from Birdie Schae, I'll happily read whatever she writes next.